Day by day...

It's been a while since I posted something...I've been busy! Psych at the VA isn't too much at the moment actually. It's quite entertaining most days and other days its really eye opening at how devastating psychological problems can be. I can say that i DO NOT want to be a psychiatrist but it is very interesting. I just don't think I have the patience to deal with schizophrenia and depression everyday without developing some component of the disease myself. I've been there 2 weeks and I think I have panic disorder from being around some of the patients. It is a cool rotation and I'm enjoying it quite a bit. Especially when I'm told to jump out the window, stop forging signatures, stop being a spy, and to stop torturing the kids. Yes, I have been told by my one schizophrenic patient to do/not do all of the above things!

If there is one thing that I am learning at the VA, it's how terrible the current war is affecting the young soldiers, and that makes me sad. I don't like talking to guys 3 years older than me about their PTSD from when they watched mass casualties. I guess since I'm going to be part of the military, as a doc, its good to know what my potential patients are dealing with. But its still sad nonetheless.

On a lighter note, SOMA is in 2 weeks!!! AHHHHH!!! Freak out mode began again today when I watched the St. Croix 70.3 on TV....idk why, but i got scared! I was doing so well with my confidence and knowing that ready or not, I was gonna do fine. Plus, I never consider myself "ready" for anything...i usually just do it and decide later. I just really need to make sure I have everything taken care of with my bike and prep plans for the tri. This is a big race and i would hate for something to go wrong that I could've prevented because I'm still somewhat of a beginner. So, this next week is going to be my last hammer week of training, I have to make the most of it! I'm really anxious to do the race (not the pain part) and be done with it. It's been building up in my head for so long now, i'm finally ready to conquer it and focus on the next thing!

Funny note: my cousin and I have agreed to try a 1 month trial on yahoo personals together. Mainly to get funny stories at the ridiculousness of online dating, but also to perhaps make new friends in the area. Watch I'm going to manage to find the strangest/craziest guys....story of my life! lol Anyway, I'm pretty much over going out to clubs and staying out late and playing dress up to meet guys. Most of the time the guys you meet out are less than impressive to say the least. Also it could be cuz i'm a lamo and enjoy going to bed at 10pm on sat nights so i can get up and ride in the gorgeous AZ weather or do something else fun outdoors. That is way more appealing to me than being hung over and sleeping till noon. I swear there has to be guys out there that enjoy that....right???

I'm in no real rush anyway, just going one day at a time and hopefully letting things work themselves out. This is one of my favorite songs that in my head right now, of course its on Grey's, not to be girly cheesy again....

interesting dialogue

A real dialogue I had today that could be totally misunderstood if not in the context of a radiology reading room :

Dr. K: So i'm just going to look at breasts for the next few hours, that might be boring for you, I usually sit in the back room and do it alone.

Me: Oh ok, should I wait and just come back after lunch?

Dr. K: Yea it could take a while.

Emo Post...

I feel like this song today...even with the Grey's Anatomy clips. 

So as with everything, there are the good days and the not so good days. Today was a not so good day for me. I started radiology today and it wasn't the rotation itself that made the day not so good...just the beast that is the medical world that made things kind of difficult. I was talking to my cousin about this the other day and today it was just confirmed

Sometimes the world seems really out of balance and like there is no reasonable explanation for things. Example,

the patient that does countless harmful things to their own bodies and others but seem to always catch a break. Despite their bad habits

and just flat out being a bad person, they're healthy, able to continue ruining themselves and other with their bad decisions for years to come. . And then there's the

patient that has worked very hard his entire life to make an honest living, provide for his family, and be the best

husband, son, and dad he can be...he get's stage 4 cancer at the age of 42 and only has 3 months to live. I know

life isn't fair and sometimes things just "are". We can't change it or explain it. But in my case, maybe because I'm still

"green" as they say, it gets to me. I sometimes get a little sad when I take a step back and really see what I'm doing in

all of these hospitals I go through. In the same hour, I could be wheeling a single mom, with nobody to say good bye to her

back to the OR for yet another surgery to add to her list of battles against her aggressive breast cancer and trying to

explain to a completely healthy (physically) 28 yr old that we will not give him any more xanax just because his "friend accidentally

threw them away". It often feels like our efforts as medical people are being wasted. In the end, some of the

best people can't be helped, no matter how hard they fight, and some of the worst people, will never truly know what it's like to fight for their life.

Other than some bad news about a family friend and an difficult patient today, nothing happened specifically to

make me feel sad really, just one of those days I guess. And although there are depressing things going on everyday

in the world, not just in the hospital...most of my days are still good! I still love it (maybe cuz I'm still green) and I

try to look at it like anything else in life...all about perspective. Things happen for a reason? Maybe, who knows. But

regardless of who we can or can't help, after a certain point, people die, they get cancer, little kids lives are cut short, its out of our hands. I'm somewhat of a control freak at times

so I don't like the concept of things being that way, but I'm working on accepting it. I do get emotional at times

with work and patients and stupid doctors, but I think recognizing these things is a good thing. If there's one point I

never hope I reach it's to be able to numb out all emotion for the myth of "it's part of the job to get used to it". For some reason

I was thinking that the emotion was the part of the job that made us all want to be in this profession.

Tomorrow's another day!

I feel old...

My favorite baby...esp when I need to get the chalk off my hands!
I'm not very good at bouldering

So, this weekend past labor day weekend was fun. It was relaxing, I got a lot done, and got to watch the Gators open what I know will be an awesome season.  The Chandler Gator club was a good time. It's great how you just feel a certain connection with people simply because they're wearing the same Tebow jersey as you. I literally talked to this couple like they were my best friends for 10 years....I only met them 5 minutes before kick off, it was awesome. 

For once (i broke down and didn't want to get crap from my friends for being "antisocial") I went out 2 nights in a row and skipped both of my morning rides, Strada and solo. I sort of get into a routine of not going out and getting up early for a long ride but I forget that its ok to miss a weekend, go out and have fun with friends. I'm glad I have friends that can remind me of this. However, when I do go out, I get tired around 11pm...unless of course I'm really having a good time with plenty of beers lol. I say I feel old though because I do get tired early and I'm usually the "mother" of the group/ DD. That is totally fine with me, just makes me feel like a soccer mom driving my kids around in my big SUV haha. 

But I also felt old this weekend after attending a Strada training seminar. I was always the kid that went to school and played sports...that was my life.  As we were going through the team's training plan for this season, I realized I was no longer one of the kids that just took the team schedule without a care that it would fit into my schedule. I was getting really excited about the different rides throughout the week until I realized, "oh wait...I'll be on Surgery that month, probably getting no sleep....how am I going to fit in 10 hours/week in the saddle???"  Although I've been in med school for 3 years now, it just now hit me that all the triathlon/training things I used to do revolve around my work/school schedule...like a real adult...ahhhh.  It sounds stupid for it to just be hitting me now, I've always put my school first. But I have never had a problem working the necessary cycling, running, swimming, whatever, into my schedule. I've never had to tell myself  "ok this month, I won't be able to work out, sleep comes first."  Then again, I'm also the stupid one who will sleep 4 hours just so i can go on a longer ride/run the next day...and then end up getting injured.  SO...i guess my "ahhhhhh" moment was good for me. I know I need to not put so much emphasis on triathlons and how behind i am in training and just accept that I'm doing my best to balance life. (I mean, who and I kidding, am i going to be a pro triathlete or cyclist?? Yea right!!) In my case that includes learning to be a doctor, a social person, a "for fun" triathlete, and all the other billion things I try to squeeze into my life!  

In other news...i'm getting really into rock climbing, its so much fun. I've got a sprint tri coming up in 3 weeks (ahh!), and half iron-man in about 2 months (double AHHHH!!). Oh and anesthesia is going well. I go to bed at 10pm, run in the mornings, intubate a few people everyday (or attempt to and fail miserably seems to be the trend), try not to break any teeth, eat the doctors lounge food, and pretend like I know what I'm doing, but we all know that 3rd year med students are generally clueless. 

SO...if me feeling old helps me put things in perspective and re-evaluate my priorities, I guess it's a good thing. I'm just afraid of the one day when I actually am old and I'm trying to feel young lol...

p.s. check me out at Strada racing  The pics are kinda corny and I have no bio cuz i haven't gotten around to thinking of anything wise...other than..." I LOVE BIKES!"  

Anesthesia..day 1

So I started anesthesia today...and all in all it was pretty cool.  I don't think I would ever want to go into anesthesia, but it is an interesting field. 

Things I learned:

1. Surgeons really are jerks and think they're God

2. Orthopods are even bigger jerks

3. People do crazy things when they wake up from anesthesia

4. Everything is about perspective

5. WEAR LONG SLEEVES CUZ ITS FREEZING IN THE OR!!!

6. Eat a snack after every surgery

7. Orthotics are NECESSARY!!

I'm' only here for a couple of weeks but it should be exciting to practice my skills. The docs I'm with are really awesome and said I can do as much as I want...that could be scary. 

Training is going ...ok. I'm struggling with my heels at the moment. I'm even debating getting x rays to make sure i don't have bone spurs...it hurts that bad. I'm hoping that this will i'll get used to the standing and the pain will ease up a bit. With that said....I'm off to run!

Weekend with Dad!

The weekend with my dad was pretty awesome! He was looking forward to it sooooooo much and we had a blast! Went hiking in Sedona, Westfork Trail, went on a good ride with Strada, pool, and just hung out together.  He LOVED Sedona (of course) and the hike. I hadn't been hiking here yet so it was a first for both of us. We went for about 4 hours through the creeks and mountains, it was pretty awesome. The ride was fun too...for the first time I beat my dad on the bike! Until this weekend...cycling was the one thing he could always show me up with...not anymore! :-) The highlight of his trip though was probably getting his computer. I got my old computer fixed (i bought a new mac) and gave it to him. He has been wanting a computer forever so it was nice to be able to do that for him. It was hilarious trying to teach him how to use the internet though...he still had trouble finding the keys on the keyboard. But now that he has that he'll be more with the times when it comes to technology. 

The intense running and transition training starts tomorrow with a 5am run. I've been neglecting the runs a bit so i can improve on my swimming and cycling. It's been going well, swimming is still my nemesis, but overall i'm doing much better. I've really got to make the best of the next 2 months because there's nothing worse than feeling like you could've trained more during a race...worst feeling ever. 

2 more weeks left in my FP rotation and I'm still LOVING it. We get a couple new students tomorrow at the office so that should be interesting to see...will they be tools? Statistics say yes...but hopefully they aren't too bad and the type of people who correct the doctor. 

Pics from the weekend! 

Dogs and babies!

This is my bff Rohan who I was babysitting on Sunday. We napped together...although the butt up position isn't as comfortable for me. Love that little guy. 

My abbers and me being a nerd taking pictures on our walk

Abbey and her new friend Jack Bauer (that's his real name) who we were watching for the weekend while Ricky was out of town

They love to pose

Ali's awesome veggie pizza that she made for her own birthday party

So the past week or so has been exciting. I started with a new doc last monday and i absolutely LOVE him! It's still FP which wasn't my cup of tea...but i have to say i've considered it since i've been with this new doc. Craziest/coolest thing i've done so far: removed a set of hemorrhoids without getting blood on my white coat! I did however manage to squirt enough blood to make the premed student shadowing us almost pass out, that was pretty awesome too, and hilarious.  But this doc is truly amazing. He just got back from Mt. kilimanjaro 2 weeks ago. He trekked up with a group of visually impaired people, and for the first time ever with a group that large, made it to the top all together! They set 3 world records and absolutely changed lives on that trip. 50% of unimpaired people fail when they attempt that trek! He does big things...he's pretty much my hero haha. On top of that, he's a phenomenal photographer! In between patients he teaches me a new cool trick on photoshop or how to do cool things with lighting. Have I mentioned that I like him? ok i'll stop. 

In other news...training is going well. I established heart rates with Strada this past weekend. LTHR is 168...ok i guess. It was my first time trial and i know I can get that HR down in no time. I need to start kicking the running up a notch...it's been taking the back seat to swimming and cycling. It's also been 200 degrees outside for 22 out of 24 hours in the day, so that sucks. I'm working on it though, no worries. 

My dad is coming in to town tomorrow! I'm excited to show him AZ! I'm even more excited to ride with him and the team. He's so excited that he calls me everyday to make sure he's not forgetting anything. Plans are to hike in Sedona, do a lot of riding, and just do what we do...which is usually workout lol. At least i won't get behind. I'll hve pics up of our adventures very soon! 

All in all life is good...pretending not to be breakable...