The beat goes on...

Semi quick update on rotation:

I've been really busy the past few weeks! I'm on a surgery rotation that actually isn't as physically demanding as my last surgery rotation, it's more of a mental game. My doc is great, tough on students and makes us work hard, but still great. The 3am wake ups followed by mostly 12-15hr days, 5 days a week is kind of tiring. But the worst part of this rotation has been dealing with the personalities in the OR. My day consists of quietly rounding on my own from 4am-6am on about 8-11 patients, making sure the charts are all in order and everyone has been checked on before doc get's there at 6am...no big deal, despite the fact that I'm not entirely awake and looking closely at colostomies and freshly amputated stumps isn't the greatest smell that early in the morning.  (not that its ever a great smell!) My real work starts around 7am when the first case begins and I assist on surgeries while dodging bullets from the scrub tech (hands instruments to doc) and first assist (a nurse that helps the surgeon operate). It seems like no matter what I do, or how great I do something, they always have a negative comment or something to scold me for. I'm not a sensitive person in these situations and i can take a scolding without letting it get to me pretty dang well, but when people who have 1/3 the education I have start yelling at me...I have a problem. Not only yelling at me, but the scrub tech actually stabbed me with a suture needle when she was yelling at me and yanked it out of my hand! I'll just say that we had some SERIOUS words right then and the day after, and since then, she's been fine. :)  I just don't tolerate blatant disrespect and people taking their problems and bad attitudes out on me. ESPECIALLY from a menopausal scrub tech...sorry you're having hot flashes lady, deal with it!!! But all in all, I'm enjoying the rotation. My sewing skills are improving and i'm learning lots of different techniques.

What I really wanted to write about tonight was how things change.  As in a change of heart, change of perspective, and i guess just how things can just change in the blink of an eye.  I'm pretty sure that everything changes in some way or another. People always say "Time change everything/everyone", and for the most part, I think that's true. But I just get amazed at how certain things, beliefs, ideas, goals, etc can change seemingly overnight, taking no time at all. Maybe it's just that the gradual changes don't affect us as drastically.  An example, our last case on Friday was an operation on a man to remove part of his colon that was full of cancer. He had abdominal pain on Thursday, came to the hospital that night, and by friday at noon, he was told he had stage 4 colon cancer, needed part of his colon removed and was told he probably wouldn't live another year.  During the surgery the doc had me literally feel the inside of his abdominal wall and his intestines and all I could feel were little bumps...all tumor seeds. This 56 yr old man went from working full time, living a happy life with wife and 4 kids to knowing his entire abdominal wall was being overtaken by cancer and he would die soon.  His life changed in the time it took us to say the words.

 Another example, the end of a relationship. Generally speaking, when you're genuinely happy with someone, time seems to go by fast. Everything looks a little different and you sort of feel like your heart is smiling all the time. But it's crazy to me how all of that can go away overnight and you're right back to where you left off.  Something sets the ball rolling in the wrong direction (sometimes without you even knowing) and without warning, here you are, back in a familiar place, feeling just like you never left. I guess all you can do is pick up where you left off and keep going.

I guess my point is that you just never know. I'm constantly amazed at how drastically and quickly our lives can change. One minute you're blissfully happy and your life/health has a great outlook, and before you realize it, it's all different, maybe for better, maybe for worse. Either way, nothing really seems to ever stay the same and it's just a matter of how and how soon things are going to change.  Makes me want to just enjoy the right now, all the time, because tomorrow it can all be different, and the only thing you can do is react.

One of my favorite songs my one of my top 5 bands...
The Temper Trap- Soldier On