interesting dialogue

A real dialogue I had today that could be totally misunderstood if not in the context of a radiology reading room :

Dr. K: So i'm just going to look at breasts for the next few hours, that might be boring for you, I usually sit in the back room and do it alone.

Me: Oh ok, should I wait and just come back after lunch?

Dr. K: Yea it could take a while.

Emo Post...

I feel like this song today...even with the Grey's Anatomy clips. 

So as with everything, there are the good days and the not so good days. Today was a not so good day for me. I started radiology today and it wasn't the rotation itself that made the day not so good...just the beast that is the medical world that made things kind of difficult. I was talking to my cousin about this the other day and today it was just confirmed

Sometimes the world seems really out of balance and like there is no reasonable explanation for things. Example,

the patient that does countless harmful things to their own bodies and others but seem to always catch a break. Despite their bad habits

and just flat out being a bad person, they're healthy, able to continue ruining themselves and other with their bad decisions for years to come. . And then there's the

patient that has worked very hard his entire life to make an honest living, provide for his family, and be the best

husband, son, and dad he can be...he get's stage 4 cancer at the age of 42 and only has 3 months to live. I know

life isn't fair and sometimes things just "are". We can't change it or explain it. But in my case, maybe because I'm still

"green" as they say, it gets to me. I sometimes get a little sad when I take a step back and really see what I'm doing in

all of these hospitals I go through. In the same hour, I could be wheeling a single mom, with nobody to say good bye to her

back to the OR for yet another surgery to add to her list of battles against her aggressive breast cancer and trying to

explain to a completely healthy (physically) 28 yr old that we will not give him any more xanax just because his "friend accidentally

threw them away". It often feels like our efforts as medical people are being wasted. In the end, some of the

best people can't be helped, no matter how hard they fight, and some of the worst people, will never truly know what it's like to fight for their life.

Other than some bad news about a family friend and an difficult patient today, nothing happened specifically to

make me feel sad really, just one of those days I guess. And although there are depressing things going on everyday

in the world, not just in the hospital...most of my days are still good! I still love it (maybe cuz I'm still green) and I

try to look at it like anything else in life...all about perspective. Things happen for a reason? Maybe, who knows. But

regardless of who we can or can't help, after a certain point, people die, they get cancer, little kids lives are cut short, its out of our hands. I'm somewhat of a control freak at times

so I don't like the concept of things being that way, but I'm working on accepting it. I do get emotional at times

with work and patients and stupid doctors, but I think recognizing these things is a good thing. If there's one point I

never hope I reach it's to be able to numb out all emotion for the myth of "it's part of the job to get used to it". For some reason

I was thinking that the emotion was the part of the job that made us all want to be in this profession.

Tomorrow's another day!

I feel old...

My favorite baby...esp when I need to get the chalk off my hands!
I'm not very good at bouldering

So, this weekend past labor day weekend was fun. It was relaxing, I got a lot done, and got to watch the Gators open what I know will be an awesome season.  The Chandler Gator club was a good time. It's great how you just feel a certain connection with people simply because they're wearing the same Tebow jersey as you. I literally talked to this couple like they were my best friends for 10 years....I only met them 5 minutes before kick off, it was awesome. 

For once (i broke down and didn't want to get crap from my friends for being "antisocial") I went out 2 nights in a row and skipped both of my morning rides, Strada and solo. I sort of get into a routine of not going out and getting up early for a long ride but I forget that its ok to miss a weekend, go out and have fun with friends. I'm glad I have friends that can remind me of this. However, when I do go out, I get tired around 11pm...unless of course I'm really having a good time with plenty of beers lol. I say I feel old though because I do get tired early and I'm usually the "mother" of the group/ DD. That is totally fine with me, just makes me feel like a soccer mom driving my kids around in my big SUV haha. 

But I also felt old this weekend after attending a Strada training seminar. I was always the kid that went to school and played sports...that was my life.  As we were going through the team's training plan for this season, I realized I was no longer one of the kids that just took the team schedule without a care that it would fit into my schedule. I was getting really excited about the different rides throughout the week until I realized, "oh wait...I'll be on Surgery that month, probably getting no sleep....how am I going to fit in 10 hours/week in the saddle???"  Although I've been in med school for 3 years now, it just now hit me that all the triathlon/training things I used to do revolve around my work/school schedule...like a real adult...ahhhh.  It sounds stupid for it to just be hitting me now, I've always put my school first. But I have never had a problem working the necessary cycling, running, swimming, whatever, into my schedule. I've never had to tell myself  "ok this month, I won't be able to work out, sleep comes first."  Then again, I'm also the stupid one who will sleep 4 hours just so i can go on a longer ride/run the next day...and then end up getting injured.  SO...i guess my "ahhhhhh" moment was good for me. I know I need to not put so much emphasis on triathlons and how behind i am in training and just accept that I'm doing my best to balance life. (I mean, who and I kidding, am i going to be a pro triathlete or cyclist?? Yea right!!) In my case that includes learning to be a doctor, a social person, a "for fun" triathlete, and all the other billion things I try to squeeze into my life!  

In other news...i'm getting really into rock climbing, its so much fun. I've got a sprint tri coming up in 3 weeks (ahh!), and half iron-man in about 2 months (double AHHHH!!). Oh and anesthesia is going well. I go to bed at 10pm, run in the mornings, intubate a few people everyday (or attempt to and fail miserably seems to be the trend), try not to break any teeth, eat the doctors lounge food, and pretend like I know what I'm doing, but we all know that 3rd year med students are generally clueless. 

SO...if me feeling old helps me put things in perspective and re-evaluate my priorities, I guess it's a good thing. I'm just afraid of the one day when I actually am old and I'm trying to feel young lol...

p.s. check me out at Strada racing  The pics are kinda corny and I have no bio cuz i haven't gotten around to thinking of anything wise...other than..." I LOVE BIKES!"