So before I start this post, I want to note that I just read my previous post and i really don't even remember writing it! Totally serious. It was a good post, and I'm glad I wrote what I wrote, but I honestly don't recall writing it. This post on the other hand, I wouldn't mind forgetting...
Today was my day off. What did I do today?? Here's a list of the progression:
1. Got a hair cut
2. Spent way too long re-writing my CV while drinking Starbucks and people watching [ps-why does it feel like always have to re-do my CV but I never feel like I actually have done something awesome enough to make it better???]
3. Watched my new tv obsession, "I Shouldn't be Alive" on Animal Planet and got lost in my thoughts about how I would most likely die in each of the situations presented in the episode.
4. (Feeling guilty about watching tv): rode my bike to Mad Hatter's Coffee and started writing my new personal statement for this cycle of emergency medicine applications
5. Had a moment of horrible deja vu and despair about the fact that this whoooole drawn out process that is the military match AND civilian match is happening again :*(
6. (frustrated with my negativity) rode bike to eat away my stress with sushi and somebody who really inspires me [you know who you are]
I usually think deja vu is pretty cool, eerie, but still cool. I HATED the feeling I got today when it seemed like all my stress of the match, not knowing (again) what on earth I will be doing or where I will even be doing it, totally came rushing back. I've been telling myself for the past year now that everything happens for a reason and this is where I'm SUPPOSED to be right now. But i guess I just can't help but let the weight of everything, including the powerless feeling this process gives me, overwhelm me right now. I know the right thing is to just relax and have faith that I'm doing everything, literally EVERYTHING, in my power to set myself up for matching in San Antonio this year. And I know the right thing to say is that, whatever happens will happen and things will work out for the best. I know that I can't plan everything (nor do I want to). And I know that I can't have back up plan B through Z when it comes to trying to end up in the same location with Tim.
It's almost painfully obvious that this is yet another lesson in faith and trust that it's all part of a plan. But I don't feel like any lessons today. We're all entitled to have our days right? THe days when we feel like we're losing our grip on things we thought we had strong control over. The days when we can resist what we know is truth only to be followed by a day of regrouping. I think today was my day to resist...and I successfully did that. Maybe tomorrow (i hope!!) is the day to regroup and move forward. .
PS-
I (not so?) ironically stumbled on this pin today...
