One of my favorite people sent me this quote today...so very true.
“Destiny is a curious thing. It doesn’t always take us where we want to go, and many times ends up taking us to an unexpected place where we feel confused, lost, with no idea where to go next. These are complicated and painful moments that make us suffer and question who we are, along with what we want the most in our lives. But if we really make the effort to see these challenges as opportunities to find ourselves, we will understand that it was exactly what we needed to discover and strengthen our role on this planet.”
[rickymartin]
My ramblings about this crazy journey we call life...
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
What an amazing day!!!!
If my life was written as a book, (a ridiculous, crazy, emotional, weird, etc, book) Dec 14th 2011, this day, would no doubt be a very important page.
Today I found out that I will finally start my training in the field of emergency medicine at San Antonio Military Medical Center. It still sort of has not sunk in that this will actually happen in about 6 months. Although at the end of the day, I'm here, right now, exactly where I want to be, there have been times where I felt like I would never see this day.
Sure, it possibly sounds dramatic. But aside from the underlying blessings of my own health as well as the overall health of my family, I've had days where I felt the opposite of blessed. Such days include the day when the Air Force revoked my medical school scholarship because I didn't actually get into a medical school in 2006 and proceeded to station me at Holloman, AFB in buttcrack, New Mexico to do fix airplanes. Also going down in the books as an equally "my life is ruined" day was the day when, after telling them I wanted to continue to pursue medicine, my own squadron commander and Air Force Headquarters ("The Man") told me, in not so many words, that now that I was a aircraft maintenance officer, going to medical school was not part of my life plan anymore and that I should proceed to accept the facts as a proud military officer. Both of these epic days sprouted many other epic days that just made me really feel like my dreams were dwindling away with every day that passed.
It's pretty crazy to think back to those days and truly understand how I was able to look past all of the negative feelings of despair and not allow myself to be discouraged by the obstacles that, at the time, were everywhere I turned. I don't think I'll ever really know how I did that. I guess it's just one of those things that you don't really think about, you just do it. I remember like yesterday wishing and praying to God that if he would just help me get to this day, I'd never ask him for anything else. I remember so vividly the feelings that time was passing around me, taking my dreams of being an ER doctor with it.
That being said, it's still so surreal to me that I'm even typing this post right now. I've been fighting against everything and anything to get to this day that now that I'm here, I have a hard time actually believing it. I'm not implying that I've grown up living the life of hard knocks or anything silly like that. Simply that nothing in my life has ever come easy. I feel like i've spent my life struggling and fighting against to get here, to this day. On the days like I talked about before (opposite of blessed days), there was nothing more that I wanted than to be finished fighting for "this life". But now that I look back, I feel like days when I felt like God or whoever had forgotten about me, were the days when I actually gained the most. It sounds all touchy-feely, I know. But no matter how many terrible days I have now, or how many times I think about how "tough" this life is right now, I look back at those days, remember how opposite of blessed I felt, and immediately realize that those were the some of the most influential days of my whole life. And without them, this amazing day, would not be nearly as meaningful.
So I love today. I love that I finally feel that some of my hardwork has paid off. But what I loved the most, was the feeling I got when I read my email telling me I was selected for Emergency medicine at SAMMC. I LITERALLY felt like the moment I read those words, the 200lbs, ever-powerful backpack of doubt and fear that I had been carrying around for a loooooooong time (even in my sleep, not just since last year) just disintegrated into thin air.
Overall, what an amazing day. I'm definitely going to bookmark this day and come back to it multiple times just so I know it actually happened.
Today I found out that I will finally start my training in the field of emergency medicine at San Antonio Military Medical Center. It still sort of has not sunk in that this will actually happen in about 6 months. Although at the end of the day, I'm here, right now, exactly where I want to be, there have been times where I felt like I would never see this day.
Sure, it possibly sounds dramatic. But aside from the underlying blessings of my own health as well as the overall health of my family, I've had days where I felt the opposite of blessed. Such days include the day when the Air Force revoked my medical school scholarship because I didn't actually get into a medical school in 2006 and proceeded to station me at Holloman, AFB in buttcrack, New Mexico to do fix airplanes. Also going down in the books as an equally "my life is ruined" day was the day when, after telling them I wanted to continue to pursue medicine, my own squadron commander and Air Force Headquarters ("The Man") told me, in not so many words, that now that I was a aircraft maintenance officer, going to medical school was not part of my life plan anymore and that I should proceed to accept the facts as a proud military officer. Both of these epic days sprouted many other epic days that just made me really feel like my dreams were dwindling away with every day that passed.
It's pretty crazy to think back to those days and truly understand how I was able to look past all of the negative feelings of despair and not allow myself to be discouraged by the obstacles that, at the time, were everywhere I turned. I don't think I'll ever really know how I did that. I guess it's just one of those things that you don't really think about, you just do it. I remember like yesterday wishing and praying to God that if he would just help me get to this day, I'd never ask him for anything else. I remember so vividly the feelings that time was passing around me, taking my dreams of being an ER doctor with it.
That being said, it's still so surreal to me that I'm even typing this post right now. I've been fighting against everything and anything to get to this day that now that I'm here, I have a hard time actually believing it. I'm not implying that I've grown up living the life of hard knocks or anything silly like that. Simply that nothing in my life has ever come easy. I feel like i've spent my life struggling and fighting against to get here, to this day. On the days like I talked about before (opposite of blessed days), there was nothing more that I wanted than to be finished fighting for "this life". But now that I look back, I feel like days when I felt like God or whoever had forgotten about me, were the days when I actually gained the most. It sounds all touchy-feely, I know. But no matter how many terrible days I have now, or how many times I think about how "tough" this life is right now, I look back at those days, remember how opposite of blessed I felt, and immediately realize that those were the some of the most influential days of my whole life. And without them, this amazing day, would not be nearly as meaningful.
So I love today. I love that I finally feel that some of my hardwork has paid off. But what I loved the most, was the feeling I got when I read my email telling me I was selected for Emergency medicine at SAMMC. I LITERALLY felt like the moment I read those words, the 200lbs, ever-powerful backpack of doubt and fear that I had been carrying around for a loooooooong time (even in my sleep, not just since last year) just disintegrated into thin air.
Overall, what an amazing day. I'm definitely going to bookmark this day and come back to it multiple times just so I know it actually happened.
Monday, December 12, 2011
distractor post
It's match week!!!
I'm working furiously on Peru adventure planning to keep my mind off the match. I've narrowed down my flights, buying them this week!!! Hopefully booking an adventure tour that involves hiking the Inca trail..also this week! You would think all of these things would distract me from the match. (wrong) I have self diagnosed ADD so it's VERY easy for me to jump back and forth from thought to thought.
So very excited about this trip.
Other things to distract me this week: my cousin time I'm getting, the ever present ambulatory care, working out?, online xmas shopping, etc.
Ahh it's match week!!
ok, i'm done now, even this post can't distract me :(
I'm working furiously on Peru adventure planning to keep my mind off the match. I've narrowed down my flights, buying them this week!!! Hopefully booking an adventure tour that involves hiking the Inca trail..also this week! You would think all of these things would distract me from the match. (wrong) I have self diagnosed ADD so it's VERY easy for me to jump back and forth from thought to thought.
So very excited about this trip.
Other things to distract me this week: my cousin time I'm getting, the ever present ambulatory care, working out?, online xmas shopping, etc.
Ahh it's match week!!
ok, i'm done now, even this post can't distract me :(
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Random thoughts...
- As you can tell (or maybe not), I'm in the process of redesigning the blog! Actually, i'm not redesigning it, my cousin, the Xio part of XioKat is doing it for me :) Visit her blog and website, buy they're stuff, its awesome! I'm hoping redesigning= more posting, we'll see!
- Thanksgiving break was great. I got some much needed rest and time to see family. Sad that I'll be here for xmas, working, overnight, on my birthday, in the CCU, hell on earth. Wish me luck and prayers that I stay sane :)
- I don't even want to mention the upcoming (6 days) Air Force residency match that will determine my fate for the next few years. Lots of worst case scenarios going on in my head. I don't think its normal to be simultaneously looking for places to live in San Antonio, TX AND Okinawa...such is life. Bring it on AF!
- To celebrate and rebalance myself after this ridiculous match business, I'm planning on crossing an item off my bucket list very soon!!! Just sent in my leave paperwork to take an amazing trip with a very great friend to Cusco, Peru and hike the Andean mountains of the Urubamba valley up to the incredible Machu Picchu!! I can't even get over that I'm typing this because this has been a dream of mine, literally, FOREVER. Let's hope the AF comes through and I can overcome the mounds of computer training and jump through the obligatory hoops the silly AF requires me to do. Again, bring it on AF, your antics are NOT getting in the way of this. *side note: this trip will result in me having to do 4 months of wards straight upon my return, yes, i said 4, yes that's going to be insane. Who are we kidding though, it's Machu Picchu, it's worth it! And when do we ever get to travel like this? I'm doing it. :)
- I bought those silly five finger shoes. So far they're awesome but incredibly different and will take some getting used to. I ran today in them, maybe more than I should've. Feet are hurting now. I think if I can adapt my plantar fascia will like me again. Updates coming.
- My cousin, from Colombia, is visiting me tomorrow for a little over a week! Very excited. She's a future doctor and awesome.
- Currently on an outpatient internal medicine clinic rotation. It's quite boring/annoying. I don't care about pulmonary function tests...or diabetes follow ups. I DO care about short days and weekends off. So no complaining here. :)
...that's enough random thoughts for now.
Oh hey there Machu Picchu....
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