So as with everything, there are the good days and the not so good days. Today was a not so good day for me. I started radiology today and it wasn't the rotation itself that made the day not so good...just the beast that is the medical world that made things kind of difficult. I was talking to my cousin about this the other day and today it was just confirmed
Sometimes the world seems really out of balance and like there is no reasonable explanation for things. Example,
the patient that does countless harmful things to their own bodies and others but seem to always catch a break. Despite their bad habits
and just flat out being a bad person, they're healthy, able to continue ruining themselves and other with their bad decisions for years to come. . And then there's the
patient that has worked very hard his entire life to make an honest living, provide for his family, and be the best
husband, son, and dad he can be...he get's stage 4 cancer at the age of 42 and only has 3 months to live. I know
life isn't fair and sometimes things just "are". We can't change it or explain it. But in my case, maybe because I'm still
"green" as they say, it gets to me. I sometimes get a little sad when I take a step back and really see what I'm doing in
all of these hospitals I go through. In the same hour, I could be wheeling a single mom, with nobody to say good bye to her
back to the OR for yet another surgery to add to her list of battles against her aggressive breast cancer and trying to
explain to a completely healthy (physically) 28 yr old that we will not give him any more xanax just because his "friend accidentally
threw them away". It often feels like our efforts as medical people are being wasted. In the end, some of the
best people can't be helped, no matter how hard they fight, and some of the worst people, will never truly know what it's like to fight for their life.
Other than some bad news about a family friend and an difficult patient today, nothing happened specifically to
make me feel sad really, just one of those days I guess. And although there are depressing things going on everyday
in the world, not just in the hospital...most of my days are still good! I still love it (maybe cuz I'm still green) and I
try to look at it like anything else in life...all about perspective. Things happen for a reason? Maybe, who knows. But
regardless of who we can or can't help, after a certain point, people die, they get cancer, little kids lives are cut short, its out of our hands. I'm somewhat of a control freak at times
so I don't like the concept of things being that way, but I'm working on accepting it. I do get emotional at times
with work and patients and stupid doctors, but I think recognizing these things is a good thing. If there's one point I
never hope I reach it's to be able to numb out all emotion for the myth of "it's part of the job to get used to it". For some reason
I was thinking that the emotion was the part of the job that made us all want to be in this profession.
Tomorrow's another day!
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