Residency post!

When I talk about my match results (residency), i’ve had lots of people look at me with the “why is she so happy? I thought she wanted ER”- type of look. Anybody that knows me even remotely well knows how committed to emergency medicine I am. So, I understand the confusion going through my friends’ heads. The truth is that I was upset, quite upset when I first found out that once again, (flashback to not getting into med school first time around) it didn’t work out the way I planned and really really wanted it to...big surprise. I think I put so much weight on matching to EM this year because of how tough it was for me to fight my way out of a path that wasn’t in my plan (maintenance officer at Holloman AFB) in the first place and get back on track with my original plan for medical school! The LAST thing I wanted was to have to give myself the same daily pep-talk that I did when I found out I was doing the opposite of my dream in, what seemed like at the time, the worst place on earth lol. Everyday I would tell myself, “it’s not what you wanted, but it’s just an alternative route to get to where you want to be and no matter what, you’ll be better for it. Never give up”...blah. So I took not matching to EM pretty tough at first. 

Oh and also, in my own defense, just to put things in perspective for non-medical students. Being in med school, surrounded by hundreds of other type A personalities that make not matching seem worse than dying a fiery death, tends to make the mere thought of doing something other than what you want totally UNTHINKABLE! For some reason, it’s equivalent to failing. So, we can graduate medical school and be in the top 1% of people but in our minds we’ve failed lol. Dramatic? Yes. Ridiculous? Absolutely. But that’s how we crazy medical students often think. And actually, that sort of thinking is what has actually brought us this far. But anyway, not trying to defend my craziness with this post.

 So all that being said, my sadness over the match lasted only a day or so. I quickly realized, possibly because I’ve done this before, that all is not lost, not even close. Just because I didn’t match this year (to EM), doesn’t mean I’m never going to match into EM. Internal medicine is not something I would have chosen (obviously), but it is still a great year of experience that I can get under my belt. I’m in no way changing my mind about EM. Some friends in my same position have had a change of heart and decided to continue with the specialty they were given, and I’m happy for them if they’re happy. I’ve even had someone in a position of leadership in my school “politely” tell me that i should switch to a less competitive specialty so I have a better chance of matching again. (really?!?!?!) And honestly, that would make my life a lot more simple and maybe slightly more predictable. Fortunately (or unfortunately), it seems that it’s my plight in life to take the more difficult path. No regrets though, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m actually very excited to start intern year in internal medicine. I know it will only help me be a better ER doc in the long run. I’m trying really hard to look at from the perspective that I am still doing what I love! I'm still going to be an ER doctor that's for sure, but I know I'm going to love just being an intern. Sometimes I get so caught up in working towards what that “final goal” that I forget that life is happening right now. Sure I want to be an ER doctor that's very clear. But I'm not going to dwell what I did or didn't match into this year and not make the best of the opportunities the next year brings. I'm still going to be a doctor in an awesome internal medicine slot learning at a very sought after location. It's very cliche but very true, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans..." I highly doubt I'll ever be able to stop planning, but rather than looking at this match as a failure or short fall, I'm looking at it more as a previously overlooked opportunity and stepping stone to the next thing (ER next year!)  :) 

I'm extremely excited, very scared, and totally ready to start! I love the city, love the people there already, and can't wait to make it my home. And you already know that I'm going to find my way into that ED every chance I get!! 

So that's my story and the long version of what I tell people when they give me the awkward stare when asking me about the match.