I love my job

It's 11:21pm, I'm home blogging instead of working on a case report that is due soon, and I love it. It's my day off today and honestly it hasn't really felt like a day off. Nights have been going relatively well. It is crazy busy and I feel like I'm running around like a pager carrying chicken that just had its head chopped that's trying to find it's way around a hospital. After the first night of getting lost, asking nurses how to do pretty much everything, and figuring a small amount of things on my own, I feel like I have the hang of things. By the hang of things, I mean that I know where  to find my patients in the hospital and can stumble my way through the calls I get from nurses. I haven't had anything too crazy happen just yet but last night was a close one. I came within a couple hours of having to pronounce somebody dead :(  I was pretty sure she was going to die last night but she (or somebody else) kept her with her family for a bit longer. I talked to her family and prepared them for the end that was very much in sight. It was really tough. As a medical student I've seen very sick people before, but never on my own. I was never the ONLY person that was in the room with a family and their dying loved one. I kept her comfortable and just let things play out. I'm not sure if she made it through the day today,  I guess I'll find out tomorrow.  It just made me really think about how fragile we all are. Here one day, and gone the next.

But overall its going well, I can't complain. I'm learning a lot and I think I'm actually getting to closer to the day when I actually FEEL like a real doctor. One thing I have noticed that I hadn't really thought about was the amount of young, drastically injured people coming to the hospital for rehab. I see them as i'm walking into work everyday. On a daily basis I see no less than 5 kids wheeling themselves and their newly amputated stump around the hospital. WHen I see them all I can think about is everything that landed them here. The process from being wounded in theatre to being able to wheel or crutch around a hospital on your lunch break form rehab. I  can't even begin to imagine the battles they fight everyday.  So it does make me sad to see so many young people like that. But it does make me re-evaluate things when I get frustrated and feel overworked or tired. I'm incredibly lucky and I can't forget that.

I think it's pretty amazing that I get to experience all of these things for a living and even better, get paid for it. The hours are long and it's a lot of sacrifice. But in no other career would I be able to actually make an impact on people and truly give back as much as I do. It's a special gift to be able to be here and good or bad, I wouldn't change it.

Night shift= no sweat...literally

I'm starting my 2 weeks of night shift tomorrow! Contrary to what my colleagues have expressed, I am very excited to start! This out of proportion happiness is probably due to the fact that I'm just so anxious to start being a doctor already, a real doctor. Not that 2 weeks on nights makes me a "real" doctor by any stretch of the imagination.  I just really want to get out of this holding pattern I've been in during these past 2 weeks of "research" block. (I mean really, how can I do research when I haven't even seen my first patient of my medical career???)

 So I know nights is going to kick my butt in more ways than one but I'm actually very ready to start learning the real things that doctors do. I'm ready (I say that now) for the 3am call about a patient who is having chest pain and needs help. I'm ready to frantically run my little intern feet down the hall to a code and immediately realize that every ounce of medical knowledge I thought I had suddenly disappeared and I have absolutely no business being part of a code, much less running one! I feel like I'm ready for all of these things! Oh and just for the record, ready does not mean prepared. I'm fully aware of how unprepared I am to manage the needs of every and any medicine patient in the hospital at night. But I do think that it's more important to be ready than prepared in certain situations. For things like crazy night shifts and running codes that not only take you out of your comfort zone, but destroy any last memory you even had of feelings of comfort, there is no amount of time that could prepare you adequately. I have this feeling, and I've been told, that it's just one of those things that you have to go through to fully understand. I guess it's like the whole "you had to be there" jokes. Except I highly doubt I'll be laughing, maybe, who knows.

The things that I'm putting in the "bright side" category about night shift:
       -no waiting at the BAMC gate for 3x the amount of time it took you to actually drive there
       -no extra people (i.e. interns, visitors, random people that just get in the way) around to worry about
       -the lack of extra people will decrease the number of people that see me screw up!
       -The cooler temperatures during which I will be leaving. No sweating on the walk to the car, yes!!
       -The "learning experiences" I will get...*nervous laugh*

...and that's all I can think of right now. This list surely decrease starting tomorrow as I'm sure I will only see fewer bright sides (literally) after my first night shift.

Off to continue my quest to stay awake as long as I can and sleep all day tomorrow. (so far I'm failing miserably!)

I hate Blues...

Today was Monday...It's "Air Force Blues" day where we're required to wear the dreaded uncomfortable blue uniform.  I felt a little on the blue side today for a few reasons.  I guess I was just following the blues day theme.

I start night float on Friday. I'm pretty excited to finally start working and get out of this holding pattern/psuedo research block i've been in. I'm also pretty scared that I'm going to be so overwhelmed and not know what i'm doing. I'm not going to be alone, but even with help there, i hate feeling like/being an utterly clueless doctor. It's going to be busy, no sleep, and crazy.  Wish my patients luck!

Short post today (see paragraph 1). I'm off to visit a friend and eat some yummy Filipino food. That surely will mark the end of Air Force Blues day. (i hope)

Source: None via Marybeth on Pinterest

The chase has...continued!!!

Weekend with Tim!

I was one of the lucky ones to have start residency on a non-inpatient rotation. Not only is my first couple of weeks non-inpatient...it's actually a non-patient rotation...RESEARCH! :-D  At first, I was bummed out that the huge build-up to internship felt a bit anti-climactic. My first real day of being a doctor didn't even require me to come into work! However, I am NOT complaining at all. It was a blessing that I was able to have the weekend off because my Tim was able to visit me! He arrived Friday night and we had a great weekend. I showed him around downtown San Antonio and King William. We spent most of the weekend on bikes making plans to live here in our own cute King William house. It was nice and I'm excited to see what the future holds <3. We rode around town, did Crossfit with some fellow interns (which totally kicked out butts!!) in their home crossfit gym (CROSSFIT EMESIS) they made, cooked ourselves a fantastic dinner, and just relaxed. It was a weekend that we both needed to put things in perspective again.

Now that the weekend is over I'm looking forward to really getting a study/workout regimen started. I have lots to do in these next 5 months and a lot is at stake. Residency, Boards, EM applications, fitness goals will for sure keep me busy and hopefully make the time without Tim go by fast! 

Pics from the weekend...

Our vehicles!

                                           Post-thai dessert: Tres leches cupcake and cheesecake

Dinner my Teem made for me!

Pioneer building in King William

Admiring homes in King William historic District

Dancing at a beer garden on First Friday <3