It must be an accelerated program...

Crazy of the night...

CC: hand pain

I walk up to a 22 yr old girl in a hall bed and find her drawing organic chemistry equations on her sheets and giggling to herself...

Me: Hi S, what seems to be going on with your hand?

S: I'm working on my doctorate in chemistry, I have 1 year left, and this asshole in my lab spilled calcium oxalate on my hand today and it was burning and I just want to make sure crystals don't precipitate in my tendons.

Me: (trying to remember something about organic chemistry and decide if this girl is crazy or not) Oh ok, well i see that your hand isn't really burned at all, so that's good. Where is the pain exactly?

S: You aren't a chemist so you don't know the molecular composition behind anything but trust me, i've worked out the equations and i know my tendons are being saturated with crystals and I need calcium gluconate to bind them and stop the reaction.

Me: Nope, I'm not a chemist, but the strength in your hand is normal and judging from the little pain you have right now along with your normal x-ray and lack of burns, there doesn't seem to be any reason to think you have any damage to your hand or any need for Calcium gluconate.

S: Let me speak to toxicology and educate them on the chemistry behind this, you don't understand, I'm not leaving until I get calcium gluconate.

Me: Well, let me talk to my attending and we'll be back to talk to you. One last thing, where are you doing your doctorate?

S: Maricopa Community College

Me: .......nice.