I get to Starbucks before it opens :(

Not to be insensitive at all, but today I kept seeing facebook posts and even hearing people say "never forget".  And shamefully, I'll admit, I had no idea it was Sept 11th until I got home from work! :-/ Fail on my part as an active duty  military officer. In my defense, I didn't actually forget, I just never knew what day it was, seriously. Crazy what waking up before 4am daily,12 days straight without a day off, and extreme fatigue can do to you.  I live not by the actual date, but by how many days my patients have been in the ICU, I've been getting to starbucks before they open lately, and my attending has already told me to eat more for breakfast because my growling stomach during rounds is distracting... it's quite sad. lol

ANyway, MICU has been going well so far otherwise. One thing that I mentioned in my last post that has continued to be a theme of the month is death. Not because my we as a MICU team are bad doctors, but because it seem that this month we have been the terminal cancer service. In the past 2.5 weeks, i think only a 1 or 2 days have gone by where we didn't discharge a patient to heaven. Most were expected, a couple were not, and those were the rough ones, but not the roughest. THe roughest for me to get over are the ones that don't actual die. They stay "alive" but they're not actually living.  I don't dwell or let it really get to me to the point where I can't do my job, but I do have to admit that I am sensitive to this aspect of medicine, always have been. It's a good thing right? I feel like we live in a doctor culture, especially in the military, where we frown upon sensitivity. We are people, not robots no matter how tough we pretend to be. I bet even the big tough surgeons who puff their chests out all day long pretending to be big and bad get a little sad from time to time. lol  That being said about the daily death we have had this month, I have to say that there's a fine line between trying everything you can to preserve somebody's quality of life and keeping their heart beating until family can find the strength to say goodbye. I hope I don't have to ever make that decision for somebody I love. Either way, all I know is med school does a terrible job of introducing us what to do when you get the call "Mr/Mrs. X is just passed, come now, the family is very upset"....yikes!!!

Anyway, that's depressing. In happier news, next month I will have a life again! :) Things I'm planning on doing:

- Step 3 studying...only because I HAVE to
- Celebrating the fact that this crazy schedule that Tim and I have had due to studying for tests is over!
-Thursday night group rides with king william cycling group!
- uncover hidden treasures in san antonio/austin
- find places to hike/rock climb
- have groceries in my apt on a regular basis
- take lots of pictures...of everything
- cook...a lot
- stay awake past 9:30pm

On a side note: Since my mom recently welcomed a beautiful Chinese exchange student named Maggie, I decided that I'm going to visit her, my new sister, in China and I'm making this (climbing in China) happen soon...no matter what it takes!!  ;)

Source: onsight.com.au via Sasha on Pinterest