Keeping things in perspective...

About a week after my race, I've been thinking a lot about my next endeavors, not just in the triathlon world, but also with medicine. I still plan on doing a few olympic distance triathlons in preparation for SOMA 70.3 distance in October. But I've been really trying to evaluate where I'm at, mentally, before I jump into training. I love triathlons but I just want to make completely sure that I'm doing it for the right reasons before I throw myself in. Those who have raced before can attest to the fact that if you're not mentally ready for training, and doing it for the right reasons, it's not going to go well. What do I mean by "the right reasons?" For me, the right reasons to do a race are simply because I love it. My last race, the marathon, was something I set out to do because it's something I wanted to show myself I could do, and it was fun! But I know and have accepted that I don't love running marathons, i like the variety of the triathlon, and my body tolerates it better...and that's totally ok with me, no shame AT ALL. But I have met several people that, in my opinion, are missing the point. I TOTALLY understand the whole "i want to do a _____ race just to say I did" or if you're using it to overcome a hard life experience, that's awesome. But don't jump into something because you know it'll get you the nickname of "beast" or get people complimenting you on how "hardcore" you are. I mean, is that even worth it?? Do things (races) because its your passion and you love it, not because you want to show off or prove you can be superman/woman. If there's one thing that I cannot stand is somebody who races for show and that whole mentality. It's quite annoying actually. The best athletes i've ever met never brag/show off/talk about their goals to others as a way to boost their own confidence. They also know when to go for it, and when to hold back...and honestly, holding back when necessary says more about a person than going for it at all costs. This is me rambling about all the showboaters and "go big or go home" attitudes haha. (maybe i'm having a bad day? lol) But seriously...

Maybe people don't realize they're doing things for the wrong reasons...its possible. This is why I'm really trying to keep my own reasons for racing in perspective rather than get caught up in the whole "omg i just did a race and now i want to run every race on the planet" whirlwind...its like a syndrome...post race big-head syndrome?? I will say I have felt the post race high, big time. There's a reason I continue to sign up for race after race. But more than anything, I want to keep things real. I got my rotation schedule today, and whoa...it made the fact that I'm going to be seeing patients in a couple short months very real! I know I can crank out a half iron man while in medical school. But I'm making sure that my heart is in everything I'm about to take on and that I'm being true to myself. (3am workouts before a surgery rotation are not worth it just for bragging rights) So, after a week of evaluating everything, it's time to swimming folks!

Moral of story: Evaluate your reasons for doing things friends. (races, career, life, etc) Take the time to really think what your motivation is, because at the end of the race, 5k or double ironman, it's what ultimately can make or break you. Know where you're heart's at and keep it real!! (and realistic)

Quote for the next 6 months: "Just keep swimming..."
-Dori, Finding Nemo

Massage= Heaven

I finally got my massage that i've been waiting a year for! A good friend got me a gift certificate for an awesome massage by one of the very talented girls in my class. I've had this massage waiting for me for over a year but I never wanted to use it until I felt like I REALLY REALLY needed it. And...today was that day! I've been sore before, but i was holding out for the one day when I felt terribly sore...like the week after running 26.2 miles! But i was really proud of myself today, i was a champ in my massage. (I'm usually a huuuge spaz and probably the most ticklish person on the planet so its hard for me to relax) She was actually really awesome and worked out all the balls of tightness in my legs more than anything. I jumped around on the table quite a bit..i didn't realize how sore things were until she pushed on them! It's crazy how great I feel now...take that sore marathon legs!! Also, it's just what I needed right before an entire weekend of sitting in class for board review lectures...barf!

Pool workouts start tomorrow...woot!!! (or maybe i should be saying eeek!)

Music I forgot I love....

So after my actual marathon...today I had a studying marathon (i'd prefer the running version!) I spent hours listening to my actual ipod than pandora for once, i tend to get distracted with my computer in front of me! And my lovely ipod gave me the music i was so missing, although i didn't know how much i missed it. I was reunited with one my favorites, imogen heap! I hadn't listened to her in a while, but she's amazing studying music. I hope to make it to one of her shows sometime soon. If I had half the talent she does, I'd be happy. But today she seemed to perfectly match my mood these days, espciecially this song. Enjoy, she's amazing!



p.s. playing indoor soccer4 days after a marathon isn't such a good idea.

Alive!!!

St. Louis marathon: CHECK!!!

So its been 2 days since i ran 26.2 miles in the non-stop rain...it was pretty awesome!!! I managed to get my butt across the finish line in 4:34...not too bad for my first introduction to 26.2 miles of just running! I think i could've come out faster than I did, but I was so afraid of getting caught up in the adrenaline rush and coming too fast and dying early on. I tried not to focus on time and just run like I know how and I did exactly that, except for the fact that I'm not used to running with soaking wet feet and the worst shorts chaffage i've ever had in my life!!! That rain really threw a wrench in my body glide plan...but luckily i wasn't alone...i saw many bloody nipples and people changing socks several times. At one point I was so desperate to rid myself of this chaffing that I stole an entire cup of vaseline from the nice lady handing it out in a cup at a water station. I didn't need just a little dab...i needed the whole damn cup! I will say that the couse was a tough one...hills galore...just grand! I am very happy that I did it, it meant a lot to me, i even cried at the end. (what a loser!) If you would've told me 1 year ago that I'd run a marathon thsi year i'd point and laugh at you. It's amazing what a little motivation can do! I had a great run and i'm very proud of myself and all my running peeps for rocking it!

Will I do another one? Ummm....perhaps. (ok most likely yes, at some point) I will say if I DO do anther one, it will be either Chicago or the Rock and Roll in Phoenix. But I do want to focus more on triathlons, they're my favorite! SOMA 70.3 is coming up (october) and I'm anxious to get back in the pool and start on that adventure!

My favorite parts of the race: getting smoked by a (what looked like) 90 year old man, joining a group of old guys (who were trucking along, avg age about 65) and talking to them about life, swiping almost a pint of vaseline and caking it on my leg while trying to keep running (awesome sight), being told I eat hills for lunch by an awesome bystander, feeling my arches drop out at mile 15 (this wasn't really my fav part), watching people sit and eat amazingly delicious chipoltle burritos as i ran by at mile 18 (jerks!), cursing (in my head) at the marathon relay people as they zoomed by me, really seeing what I was made of those last 6 miles, partially losing my vision on the last 2 miles, yelling at the people across the finish that i didn't need to go to the med tent despite my blindless, stumbling, and tears haha, and the best part...being told by some random guy that he'd been following me the entire race and that i was a "very strong girl".

This is me today:

26.2 on Sunday!!!!!

So it's Friday night and I had intended to get much studying done since I know I won't get much done this weekend. I did some, but I was distracted by thinking about the race on sunday!! I'm spazing out about it for a few reasons. 1. I'm a spaz in general, so it just makes sense. 2. I have terrible race anxiety, this is a big race for me, and I really hope to make my training worthwhile. 3. The weather is calling for thunderstorms!!! (as if running 26 miles isn't difficult in itself)

So rather than school this morning, i spent my time reviewing the course, making up some playlists (yes i'm that person who runs with my ipod), giving myself pep talk after pep talk, and making sure i have everything ready to go for the big day. But I'm finding it tough not to get anxious. I know I'll finish, even if I have to crawl (or swim) across the finish line. I think I'm just very anxious because this race means a lot to me. My motivation for running here comes from several things that have happened in the past year. I sort of look at it as my "redeeming run". Things in the past year have made these first 2 years in medical school the happiest and saddest of times for me. I've learned A LOT about myself, my goals, and just life in general. Training in itself has given me the time to reflect and just grow stronger. Although I'm really nervous, I know that I've sort of already accomplished a great thing. I've gotten out there day after day in the freezing cold and wind, fit in short and long runs in every bit of free time I have, traded runs for naps, and gotten used to being tired. The run on Sunday will just be another run, my last long run (until the next race), to finish off what I started. I'm very competivite by nature so part of my anxiety is that I won't perform to the level that I want to. But honestly, this race isn't about that for me. I'm not a marathon girl, i've accepted that. This race is more about the journey rather than the time. I plan to enjoy everystep (this might be difficult after mile 20) and take in every second. This run is actually nothing compared to the marathon that I've been a part of in the past couple years here. But for once, I'm running all for me, to my own music.

So I'm actually very excited to do work on Sunday and cross this one off the list. I just think its funny that I start up doing all these triathlons and marathons during the busiest time of my life so far, medical school. I guess we never really know what we're capable of unless we push our own limits. And mine certainly have been pushed, whether I've liked it or not. But I'm confident that I've made the best of it and that Sunday will just be a testament that motivation is an amazing thing.

Ready or not, here I GO....Wish me luck!

Light at the end of the tunnel???

[pic taken going up to Monserrate in Bogota, Colombia]

Do you ever wonder what the "light at the end of the tunnel" saying really means? I do all the time.
Does it mean that you're just in a terrible dark place and are just waiting around until you magically, effortlessly come out of the "tunnel" into the awesome light??
Or does it mean that "light" at the end is something that you only reach after enduring the terrible dark tunnel??
Is this dark tunnel even necessary??
What if you finally get to the mouth of the tunnel, right before the light...and it starts thunder storming or u realize the light isn't even that great or you get thrown right back into another tunnel??
What if you can't even see the light??
What if somebody shuts the light off or closes the door at the end of the tunnel??

I guess this tunnel and light phrase mean different things for different people. (i love to overanalyze simple things and make everthing complicated!)

I've been thinking about this lately because people here have been using that phrase more often now in reference to the fact that there are only about 5 weeks left of class. But I really got to thinking about it tonight though because of 2 things: a tragedy that happened to a good friend and a speech that was given at a banquet that I attended. I'm not sure I can answer all of my own questions about the tunnel and light yet..but i'll talk about one of the reason's in this post.

1. What if you get to the mouth of the tunnel, barely see the light, and then realize you're right back in another different, darker tunnel???

I guess this basically is asking what do you do when life happens? Until recently, I didn't really understand what it felt like to desperately want a change in my life. A total change...change of scenery, people, state of mind, everything. So here I am, (in my tunnel), getting through lectures with high doses of caffeine, taking tests with every luck charm i can find, and trying to find positivity and passion in what seems like the longest/gloomiest/coldest/draining year of my life. I love medicine, but this year has drained me. So anyway, my point is this: what would I do if in the midst of my tunnel (aka complaining) i suddenly am thrown into a worse tunnel, a tunnel that nobody would ever want to be in? I ask myself this because a beloved friend is in this situation. We were truckin along, complaining along the way that school sucks, and boom...life happened to her, in the most tragic way possible...the sudden loss of a parent. That makes my tunnel seem like nothing. Who am I to complain about anything! I can't even begin to imagine what I would do in that situation. But I do know that we (myself def included) get caught up in this idea that we're in this tunnel and if we can just desperately make it to the end, we'll be great and happy! My friend's situation reminds me that this isn't really a great way of thinking. We never know what can happen in life. That light might not come when you expect it, and there's no real explanation for things, life just happens sometimes I suppose. We can be so close to what we think is "the light" and then we can get side swiped by another tunnel that came out of nowhere!!! How do you prepare for that? You can't. But I'm taking a vow to not put myself in any metaphorical tunnels ever again. There are always going to be things to complain about, situations that are less than optimal in my life. But rather than look at it as "oh i just have to get through this time in my life", I'm going to try to learn and make the most of every second ...even if it is tunnel-esque. Maybe that sounds a little naive. I know life can be tough, and its ok to have rough patches and feel like you're in a tunnel. I'm just saying I'm going to try my best not to get sucked into the idea that things will get better without any effort. Maybe what I'm trying to say is I want to make my own "light at the end of the tunnel" even in the worst of situations. Because you just never know when life can happen...and all you're left to do is react to yet another darker tunnel and no light.

Dear Betty (as in Badass, my bike), I'm so sorry for neglecting you...

So today was sunny and beautiful in Kirksville for a change! (well I was still cold of course) So myself and some friends decided to take a ride out to the park. This morning was the first time I rode Betty since about October. Kirksville is NOT conducive to riding in the winter and i decided to start leading spin class rather than buy a trainer in the hopes I'd be on to Arizona within the year. (my wish came true!) So, poor Betty has been stuck in my room, neglected, and just trying to keep her head up the past few months. I realized this morning after just a very short ride that she deserves a makeover. I need to get my new aero bars put on her, get my computer fixed, get my pedals readjusted, and just give her an overall tune up. She's been a trooper but i can't expect her to perform in her current condition. Anyway, just being on the bike today reminded me of how much I love riding!!! (even if the wind was horrible) After this marathon training and neglecting my riding and swimming, i'm not sure Im cut out to be a marathoner, i love the other stuff too much. I guess its pretty safe to say I'm not one of those crazy people that gets hooked on marathons....i'm one of the crazy ones that needs triathlons! But today's ride was nice, easy, and slow...just what i need for my taper week.


Me and Kristen hiding in the slide because it was so windy and COLD!

My poor Betty

Happy easter weekend...I'm spending mine studying for pathology...yay. (*please note the extreme sarchasm*)

PAIN....

So i hoped my arches would do well with the 20 mile run...they let me down...literally. Overall i feel good, but man, my arches are not happy with me today. After the run both naviculars (both feet, see above picture) decided to drop and attempt to (what feels like) bust out of the bottom of my foot. Sounds painful...but its not nearly as painful as having somebody jam them back up to their normal place in my arch...the perks of going to an osteopathic medical school! It is only because of the amazing ostopaths here that I was able to figure out this problem I always had with my arches. After trying orthotics after orthotics, a stress fracture during a half marathon last year, and 3 weeks on crutches, and an orthopedic surgeon just saying "stop running" (umm yea right)...they finally figured out it was just the silly little bones in my arch that kept zonking out on me and causing th fracture and pain! SO, after a loooong run now i know exactly what's wrong and can walk/limp to my nearest classmate and tell them exactly what they need to treat and where they need to push, its great and it works everytime!

But with that luxury comes PAIN! I am very grateful that a friend was not only willing to touch my mutant looking feet (mutant due to years of ballet, soccer, and running) and give my arches the treatments they so needed...HOLY CRAP it hurts!!!! But once they're back to normal... no pain...its really crazy how that works. If you don't believe in ostopathic medicine...you should run until the arches of your feet collaps and then let me push them back in to place...i promise i'll make a believer out of you!!! :-)

So close I can taste it...

So again, it has been way too long since I last posted, busy busy busy!
Phoenix/Tempe was amazing! 6 more weeks until i call it home and it can't come sooner. Found a fabulous place to live and my favorite part, there's a bike shop on every corner as well as several triathlon clubs to choose from! I absolutely loved the weather and just being there made me happy. I can't wait to move on, start rotations, and begin the next chapter of the saga that is my life. I'm so glad I went to visit before moving. I actually just wanted an excuse to get out of kirksville, who wouldn't!? Mainly, I just wanted to see how I felt in AZ. As mentioned, i was happy, genuinely, utterly, didn't think about anything but doing what makes me smile-happy. This is a change from Kirksville, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn't fighting something off. I could just be...wherever I went, I was smiling. THAT was what I'd hoped AZ brought, and THAT was the real reason for my trip. Mission accomplished! Some pics:

On another note, the race is 10 days away!!! ahhhh!! I was really freaking out until today...i did a 20 mile run and felt great! Well not GREAT...but good as can be expected after one runs 20 miles. I actually prepared well for this run and took more Gu's than usual, which really helped. Also, drank water more frequently than usual...crazy what that does!! It was my last run before a week of tapering...and it could not have gone better. I have a little more peace of mind now about the race and although i'm still nervous (it's what i do before a race, i freak out!) my worries were greatly calmed today. Also, running 20 miles along kinda sucks. Although i had my buddy harley (a random country dog that runs with me regularly) with me for about 5 miles. He was a good partner, except for the couple times he cut me off and I almost tripped! I had music and pretty horses to look at...but a running partner really helps. Overall though, it was my best run to date, which makes me pretty happy. So other than my completely collapsed arches, severe piriformis (butt muscle) tightness, and really tight IT bands....i feel great!!! I was supposed to lead spin class tonight also...and after that 20 mile run and legs that already hated me, I cancelled. Only 1 person was signed up for class, had there been more I would have done it, but considering my fatigued legs and not much rest in between workouts, i opted out this time. Maybe one day I'll be that hard core.

So, long story short....I LOVE Phoenix and my freaking out is at an all-time low (for now)....the race and the big move are so close I can taste it!!!

Missouri today...Arizona tomorrow...

It's a short week! Well not exactly, the week is still just as long, I'm just heading out west for a couple days in search of a new home. I'm missing A LOT of class and will be VERY behind...but OH WELL! I'll work it out somehow and be fine. I'm super excited to run in phoenix, in the warm weather. I hear its supposed to snow this weekend, barf, not surprising. Kirksville is by far one of the worst places weather-wise.

Well short week calls for a short post...

Summary of the evening:

-my legs are sore from soccer last night AND the 16 mile run
-i realized i'm slowly going broke (AZ will worsen this situation)
-I'm still freaking out about the marathon...this will only get worse
-i'm hoping the test i have in the morning is not so brutal
-I'm excited to see mountains again!!!!